Fear

I'm at a complete loss to explain exactly how I feel right now. I fear something that I've never really worried about before, and I worry a lot. I've thought about it in passing occassionally, but I never actually thought I'd have to deal with it. Certainly not at 30. While I was showering this morning, I did my monthly breast exam. I'm not very good about it most months, but it seemed like a good time to do it. After all, it is Breast Cancer Awareness month. And there it was, the one thing that a woman does not want to find...a lump. It's not very big, but it's there. I stood in shock, disbelieving what I was feeling. I still don't think that I believe it. I'm forcing myself not to panic because it could be any number of things that aren't the dreaded cancer, and besides panicking about it wouldn't be very helpful anyway. But, there's that immense fear in the back of my mind of what it could be. Right now I just wish that I could start the day over...