Some Days You've Got It...

...other days, not so much. Last night was one of those times. I had my first audition in over a year last night. Light Opera Works was holding auditions for their entire season. It's a pretty big deal, as this is one of the few non-equity paid companies in the area. Let's just say, I was a little more than rusty. Auditions can be nerve-wracking experiences. They can be fun too, but mostly they're nerve-wracking. There's so much that goes into it. It's not just singing a song in front of a couple of people...it's how you look, how you present yourself, how you react to bad notes and out of tune pianos. It's the worst parts of a job interview smooshed into ten minutes of "do or die." And if you're having an off night (or an off week, in my case), it's painfully apparent.

I arrived at the YMCA in Evanston with plenty of time to change clothes and warm up, vocally and physically, except I was in the wrong building of the YMCA, so I walked a block and a half to the correct building. This gave me a little less time to change and warm up. Nonetheless, I filled out my paperwork, handed my headshot and resume to the resident schizophrenic behind the desk (her term, not mine), and waited not so patiently for my name to be called.

When my name was called, I walked into the room, and immediately froze. It wasn't a terribly intimidating room. There were two judges seated to the right at a school lunch table, and the accompanist (who I knew) seated to the left at the piano. I just couldn't shake the impending doom I could feel building in my chest. It should have been a cinch, but it wasn't. After a tenative nod to Richard (the accompanist), I started to sing. The first song (So In Love, from Kiss Me Kate) just wasn't what it could have been. I got through it, but it could have been so much better. The second one (Out of My Dreams, from Oklahoma) was much better, but most likely not enough to get me in. As always, we'll see. The director was bopping along to the music, but that's not really a sign of anything.

What, if anything I have learned? Given my current state of mind, I could easily give this theatre thing up, as terrifying and frustrating as it is for me. I could retreat to the realms where I'm safe from being judged on my abilities to sing and act, but I think I'd rather try again. Maybe I'll get good at it yet, certainly if I audition more than once a year...