"Heartbreaker!"

Have I really not posted anything here since May? Good Lord, I am really bad at this. No wonder I don't keep a diary anymore. I think I made four entries in my diary throughout my high school/college years: (1) I met a boy. (2) I'm dating that boy I mentioned. (3) God I'm so depressed. Nobody likes/understands me. (4)Remember that boy? We're getting married. Clearly, future anthropologists will not be looking to my memoires for anything helpful regarding life in the United States during the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries. You'd think a history major would be better at that.

Anyway, here's a brief summary of what's been going on: the kitty is doing better, I turned 30, and I've gone back to being craftsy after a hiatus of several years.

OK, maybe I should be a little more specific about those things.

KITTY

I am happy to announce that kitty and I have finally come to an understanding about how we're going to handle this diabetes situation. Basically, she's going to take the shots as long as I can find her and manage to pin her down. Thankfully she's been really stupid about the places she hides (I'll never see a black cat flattened against a white wall. Nope not in a million years.) and isn't too feisty about me pinning her down (as in my ratio of scar tissue to uninjured tissue has gone down considerably). She still howls like an alley cat, but that's a minor annoyance. So, it looks like kitty and I will have many happy years together after all. She's pretty astute (despite her bad hiding skills), so I think she will tell me when she's had enough. And then I will let her go.

TURNING 30 DIDN'T SUCK!

I always get a little weird around my birthday. Something about not being where I want to be in my life and fearing getting old before I get to where I want to be, I guess. So, 30 was going to be a big one for me and I was dreading it. I didn't want to be single and 30. I didn't want to have to face the fact that my life wasn't where I wanted it to be. I didn't want to be alone on my birthday. As it turns out, I had a fabulous birthday accented by two phenomenal evenings of celebrating. One evening of all out debauchery, good conversation, and bad karaoke; and one evening of sitting quietly with my two best friends eating cake and ice cream, playing Zombies!!!, and listening to music. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday.

I thought that would be upset about being 30, but I must admit that I rather enjoy it. I don't care about what people think of me anymore. I do what I do because I like doing it, not because someone wants me to or thinks I should. I like my life the way it is, and I like who I am becoming quite a bit. That's the second best birthday present I've ever gotten. The first would have to be the massage and bike locks my friends got for me this year. The world could have ended on the day I got my massage and I really don't think I would have cared!

CRAFTING

I've recently rediscovered a creative outlet I had all but forgotten about...cross stitching. I picked it up when I was in junior high because I realized that I couldn't paint. My mom paints beautifully and I wanted to be just like her. My drawing ability is pretty pathetic, although I make a killer "kitty hanging from a balloon by its tail." So, it stands to reason that my painting was just as bad, well at least the kind of painting I wanted to do. Bummed that I could not paint my way out of a cardboard box, my mom and I went in search of a craft I could do. We found cross stitch. For years, I spent many hours stitching away on projects and giving almost all of them to my mother. I've done some beautiful pieces over the years, and the quality of my work is quite good, at least so I've been told. And then I gave it up. I can't remember why. But, now I'm back to it. I can sit for hours in perfect calm stitching away on whatever project I happen to be working on. Right now it's an awesome-looking wizard. I can't describe the feelings of utter calm and relaxation that come over me as I sit stitching in my rocking chair with my kitty curled up next to me. I never realized how much I missed that until I got back into again. When I get some projects finished, I'll post pictures.

THE DEPRESSION LIFTS

As many of you know, I suffer from clinical depression and have since I was fourteen or so. But, today is officially my first day of being completely off of my meds! Don't go getting all panicky on me about that. I did it with the consent and help of my doctor. The withdrawal was not pleasant, but I feel fabulous! The biking back and forth to work, the eating properly, and the pure peace of mind has brought a whole new change in me. I don't know how long it will last--the autumn will be the first great test on that one--but I'm very excited to be me again without the medication. Yay!

THE BAND

Finally I get to the part where the title of this entry actually makes sense. My band did a performance on Saturday night, one of our best if I do say so myself. Despite the fact that we are a geek band and still new at this whole performing thing, we are doing really well. Every performance gets a little tighter and a little stronger. Strictly going off what others have said about me, I seem to be coming into my own as the lead singer. I am still really nervous when I go on stage, but I love the rush, and I'm very proud of what I'm able to do up there. I think my crowning achievement from Saturday night though was my rendition of Heartbreaker. That was Jamie's song. I never touched it with a 10-foot poll, convinced that my voice wasn't right for it. But Walter requested it at the end of the night, and I couldn't refuse him. He did record our demo CD after all. So, I sang it, or more accurately, I blew it out of the water. It was awesome! The doubt in my mind about my ability to handle that song vanished by the time I finished the first chorus. I couldn't believe that it was me singing. I wish they had gotten it on tape or video as proof, but I'll remember it for a very long time.

So anyway, that's what's going on in my life. My life isn't what I expected it to be, but it's pretty dang awesome if I do say so myself!