Fear

I'm at a complete loss to explain exactly how I feel right now. I fear something that I've never really worried about before, and I worry a lot. I've thought about it in passing occassionally, but I never actually thought I'd have to deal with it. Certainly not at 30. While I was showering this morning, I did my monthly breast exam. I'm not very good about it most months, but it seemed like a good time to do it. After all, it is Breast Cancer Awareness month. And there it was, the one thing that a woman does not want to find...a lump. It's not very big, but it's there. I stood in shock, disbelieving what I was feeling. I still don't think that I believe it. I'm forcing myself not to panic because it could be any number of things that aren't the dreaded cancer, and besides panicking about it wouldn't be very helpful anyway. But, there's that immense fear in the back of my mind of what it could be. Right now I just wish that I could start the day over...

Move over Eddie Van Halen!

Add this to the long list of things that I never thought I would do--I bought an electric guitar. I am not the prototypical rocker. In fact, most nights I'm in bed by 10. But, the guys in the band had suggested that perhaps some of the songs that I play rhythm on would sound better with an electric rather than the acoustic I usually play. I couldn't really argue. My beloved acoustic certainly has it's place, but there are just times when rocking out is totally necessary. You can't really "rock out" on an acoustic. There's something too refined and subdued about the instrument. It kinda screams "coffee shop," not "rock concert."

Anyway, the idea of playing an electric struck a chord with me (yeah, I know, bad pun), so I found myself trying to find one. I didn't want anything flashy--I wanted a sleek-looking, rock 'n roll guitar, preferably black...none of this pink sparkly crap for me. I priced new ones and found that I was going to need at least a couple hundred dollars to get one. I figured there had to be a cheaper option. So, I went to my favorite Web site, craigslist, where I've gotten everything from haircuts to free furniture, to see what I could find there. I found one. For $50. It came complete with the amp and everything...for $50. I e-mailed figuring that someone else would snatch it up before I could get there. They didn't. At 9:30 at night, a time that mysteriously qualifies as "late" these days, the guy e-mailed me back saying it was still available and that he wanted it gone that night. So, I changed out of my pajamas, hopped in my car with my friend the Zombiemaster, and drove to this guy's apartment to pick up the guitar. I was expecting to find a beaten up instrument, but instead I found an almost pristine Yamaha electric guitar, with chords and amp. Again, for 50 stinking bucks! That's the kind of deal you just can't pass up. I need some new strings, a longer chord, and a bag to carry it in and I'm ready to rock! Who knew?!